Over my years of travelling, I have seen some really funny sh#t and decided to share some of my funniest memories with you! When you travel, there are often moments when you have to choose to laugh, instead of cry. Not everything will go as planned – you may book into a beautiful guest house (according to the photos on the internet) and next thing you have over 100 bites on your upper leg or arm from a lecherous bed bug.  These things happen.. even if you try your utmost to not let them.

I traveled to Turkey all by myself (queue the small violin playing in the background) and I kept thinking the men in Istanbul were so friendly as they kept trying to grab my hand to help me cross the road. SO NAIVE. Anyway, this one guy helped me cross the road – I was about 26 at the time so I had actually mastered this process alone but anyway, the next thing he pulled me into his shop to buy a carpet. While he was making me tea, as per custom, I snuck out the store and ran for my life, hiding behind trees as I ran to find my backpackers, hoping he wasn’t going to follow me to make me buy a carpet!

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In Vietnam, we watched people drive past us on scooters with their dogs sitting on their laps.. which was all good and well until we saw someone with a HUGE Husky dog sitting on their lap while they drove their scooter around. I presume the dog was off to the park to walk!

When I was in Athens with my best friend Alex, we booked a hotel in maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe not the best part of town. Anyway we were walking back to our hotel one night, in the heat, after spending the day exploring the Acropolis in our shorts and the next thing all these cars started driving past us… slowing down and then speeding up again. We realised we were walking past the area where all the ladies of the night were leaning against the walls and those cars had been looking at us.. as if we were there to make some extra money.. could have been an option as Greece was quite pricey HAHAHA. I’m joking. Or am I…?

I have traveled to China many times – for work and play and it is such a crazy place! The bulk of my stories come from here. Firstly, I am ashamed to say that after being in China for a few days, I start talking with a Chinese accent – I don’t know where it comes from, but it just happens! And then I can’t stop.

When Alex and I traveled to China together, we were casually walking along the Great Wall and suddenly there was this huge commotion and we looked behind us and we were like the Pied Piper, with all these people following us, taking photos of us from the back. The moment we stopped, we had a baby thrown into our arms – literally tossed – with not a single word from the parents and then the paparazzi started. Photo after photo of the two of us with the family and holding the baby. and then when they were done, they just walked off! Leaving us looking at each other like WTF?!!

Then later that day, we were walking around the Summer Palace in Beijing and saw this baby with a hole in his private parts area – FRONT and BACK in his baby grow. When nature calls.. nature calls! This is the norm and we saw it all over China.

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Always be careful in China if you are using their traditional toilets ie the ones flat on the ground. If you wee too quickly with too much pressure, you will have back splash and wee on yourself. Take it from me, always carry Dettol wet wipes incase!

Many years ago, I was walking around the Picasso Museum in Berlin and I got too close to a painting.. yes yes, I was getting up close and personal but you need to understand I love art and I was trying to see the brush strokes.. anyway THE ALARM WENT OFF and the police arrived to escort me away from the painting.. embarrassed much?

Travelling to Santorini for Alex’s 30th was awesome! Firstly we hired a house overlooking the sea and when the owner found out that it would be 6 of us girls AND NO MEN TO KEEP US SAFE, he was mortified! Bless. Kept saying we need men around to keep us safe. We were also told that when we drive at night around the island, please listen out for cow bells as the cows roam the narrow, windy streets at night.. no jokes, we went out and came home in the dark – and picture this – 6 girls squished into a tiny rental Daewoo Matiz – all with our heads sticking out the window to listen for cows coming from around the corner. Sounds funny now but it was super nerve wracking!

Alex and I went to Mauritius on a girls holiday for my 30th a few years ago. We took the local bus to the market and on our way back, we were very popular with all the school boys.. until we realised that it was because our boobs were bouncing so much because the roads are so bad and the boys on the bus were getting a eye full.

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In Vietnam, we went to a local restaurant – ie seated on baby plastic chairs and tables in the middle of the street. We ordered our food and our neighbour (sitting 3 cm away from us on same table, offered us a local delicacy – we went in to grab one until we realised that they were whole, tiny birds – beaks and all and the kind man told us you could use the beak as a toothpick..!

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Also… be open to cooking your own food at a restaurant!

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In Egypt, we were casually walking around the Pyramids of Giza.. and then next thing Jaco was asked HOW MUCH? He looked at them perplexed and they pointed at me. He often laughs and says he should have said are we talking camels or money and entered into a negotiation!

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Sometimes you have to become a REAL tourist and follow everyone else who has been there before.. and do these kind of photos… dorky much?!

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In Hanoi, Vietnam – we decided to go on a sunset scooter food tour. I was so nervous, I’m a real baby when it comes to doing things out of my comfort zone. So anyway, we have to throw our leg over the back of the scooter so I can climb on and hold on tightly to my driver – and I throw my leg over with such force that I knocked a part of the actual scooter right off.. the guide said he has never in his life known of someone who has done that – knocked 4 bolts out in the process! I wanted to die of embarrassment.

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Be open to seeing different fashion that may not align with your own! And no, its not about the cellulite – we all have cellulite – the fact that her bum cheeks are hanging out below the hem of the shorts was what had my jaw drop!

I once had a warthog run into me – but I was walking away at the time, so had a warthog nose with snot in between my legs.. how lovely! We were at Marloth Park where you are allowed to feed the widlife around the houses. So was feeding the warthogs and ran out of food. Turned around to go get more and this little bugger ran towards and got his nose jammed between my legs, just under my bum! Was hilarious for those watching!

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When in India, we were told that the men spend so much time away from their wives, travelling in their trucks that they dress them up so they look beautiful like their wives!

Food. Food in every country differs – you either love it, hate it or enjoy it but still laugh at! Then you receive cleverly displayed food like this in Vietnam and you can’t stop giggling. The presentation of these spring rolls was magnificent!

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Lastly, be open to making new friends! We were walking around Hanoi and were approached by this group of varsity students who wanted to practice their English. We sat with them and chatted about sport, food and our countries – was fun and a great way to get to know Vietnam better!

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Travelling always you to have fun, learn new things, meet new people and LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF!

Go forth and travel 🙂

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